Tag Archives: death

So we had a Earthquake!


I was happy as pie and sound asleep when I was woken by the sound of the earth rumbling and the bed shaking, I turn to Jo with a smile and said “Earthquake” I didn’t say it in a OH MY GOD WE ARE GOING TO DIE way, but more of a child on Christmas day kind of way.

Anyway it lasted all of 15 second and I thought I could make a few gags about “the bed moving” at work the next day. Little did I know the earthquake did more damage than I thought, its turned England into a bunch of fucking hypochondriac idiots?

I turned on the TV this morning to watch the news and found it was a 5.2 on the richter scale, and the worst damage was some bricks falling on a kid in bed, and that’s it, but they had an interview with a woman who started off all smiles and then ended up crying saying “I didn’t know what it was *sniff* and I only knew what it was *pause to keep lump in the throat down* when I phoned up my insurance. What the fuck… how can you phone up your insurance without evening know what the damage was caused by… did she think her fucking chimney felt the wrath of gods hand?

And all over the internet people are saying either

A) “It was like a plane hit the house” – yeah like you would even hear a sound if a fucking Boeing 747 hit your house!

B) “I thought it was a burglar” – what in his fucking JCB with word “SWAG” written on the boot.

C) “The world was going to end” – Yeah every time a book falls off of my shelf I hit the ground and start to repent my sins.

I don’t mind the odd person who was a little scared but it sound like everyone had gone mad. I even read a comment from a woman who put it down to global warming. England calm the fuck down it was the ground moving and no one is dead… move on.