Category Archives: Rant

So we had a Earthquake!


I was happy as pie and sound asleep when I was woken by the sound of the earth rumbling and the bed shaking, I turn to Jo with a smile and said “Earthquake” I didn’t say it in a OH MY GOD WE ARE GOING TO DIE way, but more of a child on Christmas day kind of way.

Anyway it lasted all of 15 second and I thought I could make a few gags about “the bed moving” at work the next day. Little did I know the earthquake did more damage than I thought, its turned England into a bunch of fucking hypochondriac idiots?

I turned on the TV this morning to watch the news and found it was a 5.2 on the richter scale, and the worst damage was some bricks falling on a kid in bed, and that’s it, but they had an interview with a woman who started off all smiles and then ended up crying saying “I didn’t know what it was *sniff* and I only knew what it was *pause to keep lump in the throat down* when I phoned up my insurance. What the fuck… how can you phone up your insurance without evening know what the damage was caused by… did she think her fucking chimney felt the wrath of gods hand?

And all over the internet people are saying either

A) “It was like a plane hit the house” – yeah like you would even hear a sound if a fucking Boeing 747 hit your house!

B) “I thought it was a burglar” – what in his fucking JCB with word “SWAG” written on the boot.

C) “The world was going to end” – Yeah every time a book falls off of my shelf I hit the ground and start to repent my sins.

I don’t mind the odd person who was a little scared but it sound like everyone had gone mad. I even read a comment from a woman who put it down to global warming. England calm the fuck down it was the ground moving and no one is dead… move on.


Derek Conway no ifs no buts

Derek Conway

I’ve just read on BBC News that Derek Conway has paid his son Freddie Conway at a full-time equivalent rate of £25,970 per year for research (also known as money to help him through university) that he never did.

Okay at the moment we have lots of bent MP’s running around in House of Commons and there is next to nothing we can do about it, but what angers me more than anything is he now faces 10 days suspension from the Commons. WHAT, his son gets free money from us and because he was found out his dad gets a 2 week holiday? While at the same time we are subjected to benefit theft adverts 24 / 7 saying if you keep a few hours over time money then you will get a criminal record.

So if we actually do the work, but don’t pay tax on it, it’s a criminal record, but if you pay your son with tax payers money for work he actually DIDNT do it’s a 2 week holiday.

Derek Conway needs to be relieved from his role for Improper use of allowances.

Breaking my back

Breaking my back

Yesterday we went out into the woods to take some photos and to also try out taking photos of the river with the shutter open for a second to get a nice silk shot, but on the way we found an old rope swing. Jo and Lauren both had a go on it (but just using it as a boring swing) So me being me had to step it up a notch. I held the branch in my hand and ran as fast as I could knowing as soon as the rope became taut it would flick me up in the air, but as soon as it did I heard a snap (the kind you hear from an old mans hip on a winters morning) and before I knew it I was flung up (legs up in the air and head facing down) and landed right on my neck. The girls said I didn’t move for a few seconds but as soon as I knew what happened I couldn’t breath and the only thing I could do was make a horrible groaning sound which I have labelled the death rattle. Some how I had crushed my fingers under my head, fucked my ribs and bent my back the wrong way. Even today a day later I can’t move it, I couldn’t even put my socks on this morning.

The only good thing out of it all was the fact Jo managed to take photos of the whole thing so I’ve uploaded it on the net for your enjoyment.

(Click the link above to take you to deviant art, and then click the photo again to make it bigger)

What a fucking day!

Larry David

What a fucking day! (Well a week and a half ago, but I’ve not been able to get online… detials for this are below) For all of today I have felt like Larry David stuck in an episode of Curb your Enthusiasm (Apart from every time I fucked something up I didn’t get the cool theme music). Everything I have touched has turned to shit. It all started around 2 o’clock at work, I have a 4 gig pen drive I use every day that has some very useful programs to aid me with my work. After trying to turn my pen into a bootable flash drive I managed to corrupt the pen (along with months of work). I then went to our Data Center to load some tapes ready to back the servers up, one of the drives was not playing ball and I popped my fingers in the drive to see if anything was hiding in there but in doing so snapped some plastic thats connected to a spring. So after a quick flick of my finger the tape drive managed to eat its self and in doing so fucked both the drive and the tape.

After all this going off there was a good part to the day, Some one at work gave me a AMD processor so once I got home I was happy to swap my AMD X2 5200 for a higher model, but little did i know it was a total different CPU to was it was packaged in. After finding this out I thought not a problem, I can pop my CPU back in and carry on playing on my pc. Then came the pain… windows errors left right and center. In the end I couldn’t see a problem so put it down to the CPU not being install proberly, so I opened up my pc and took the Processor back out to find I had bent the fucking pins on my fucking £110 Processor rendering my computer useless.

So I’m stuck without a PC for 2 weeks until I get paid, and a soon as I do im off to my local computer store to act like a kid in a candy store.

First Friday!

This year (Well last year) I said we wasn’t going out on New Year’s Eve, for the following reasons:

1)You need to get a loan out just to pay the entrance fee to any club/pub
2)I don’t like to pay to be crammed into a pub along with a load of drunk sweating teens
3)Paying 2 or 3 times the amount I would normally on a drink
4)Having to get out a 2nd Loan to pay for a taxi home
5)Then starting the new year with a hang over

While all this time you are spending money to be with the people you love, but you can’t at all talk to them as its far too loud, and I know once Jo reads this post she is going to tell me to stop being an old man and get my slippers and pipe out, but none the less I think new years eve is a rip off.

So back to on track with the reason for the post… as we spent the night drinking at home we decided to go out drinking last night, and what a great night out. As it’s the first Friday of 2008 every one is skint from the big blow out or they are trying to stick to the new year’s Resolution cutting down on the amount they drink (and for all the people that have stuck to it for a week will reward them self’s with a night on the tiles next week).

So because of this I had the town to myself, there was not 1 queue at the bar, there was a hand full of people in the pubs so it wasn’t a ghost town, but it also wasn’t packed and at the end of the night it took me all of 5 seconds to flag a taxi down.

Now that I know of this special day I will be giving NYE (Its how the cool kids say it) a miss and going out on the following Friday AND YOU SHOULD TO!!!

Happy New Year!

Big Ben

Happy New Year

Well I know it’s the 3rd of January but I’ve only decided today that it’s about time I had a blog for my rants, views and stories.

I don’t know which blog to go with at the moment (Home made, blogger or wordpress) So im going to give them all a quick try out… I’ve tried to install wordpress on my server but my great and reliable hosts over at brinkster have cocked somthing up so I need to wait for the linux team to get back to me tomorrow.. so for now I will use the free on over at wordpress.